He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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