Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
