every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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