I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
accomplished twins. life is a go
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
