So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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