I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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