i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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