i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
