My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
