My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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