mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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