dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
