I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am available for nakedness
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
