just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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