Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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