If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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