Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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