hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
