just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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