i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
