New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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