I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
