hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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