Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
