the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
