Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
