We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
