do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
