so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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