he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
