When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
