I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
