hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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