I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
