just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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