I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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