they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
