dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
