He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
