i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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