I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
