tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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