some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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