I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
