Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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