jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am one with the molecules
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
