If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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