Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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