I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
a search helicopter?!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
