3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
