This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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