there's paper in my vomit.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
