is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
