You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
