everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
