Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize