Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
