May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
