I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
