Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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