There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
