Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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