my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
